As a survivor, a person with a dissociative disorder, and a person with chronic fatigue syndrome - I'm supposed to keep a log of my activities, so as to maintain co-consciousness while utilizing internal family systems treatment, set goals while I'm self-isolating (going on 19 months now and counting), and eventually figure out my PEM/CFS/ME baseline on my own (since I lack adequate treatment for chronic fatigue syndrome). So here goes.

First, I quit smoking as of March 27, 2020. I planned on quitting smoking since 2017. I relapsed many times. I first attempted to quit way back in 2004, just a year after I began smoking heavily. You could say the pandemic scared me straight, but I did it - cold turkey - no less. So that's one major goal I got checked off my list.

Next, I initially lost weight because I was sick and stressed back in 2020. However, I regained the 30 pounds I had lost. I'm back to square one with slowly cutting down carbs, working in fiber and vinegar into my diet (two known protective factors against insulin resistance and related obesity), possibly considering timing when I eat my meals (which might include intermittent fasting), and get on a more consistent sleep-wake routine. This will take some considerable time, given that I stocked up in case there was another lockdown, so I have to eat that which I stocked up. I can still try to eat in moderation while adding healthier produce (something I was avoiding for most of the pandemic, due to fomite scares).

Following the above goal, I intend on getting the flu and booster shot soon. I was told by the VA to wait about two weeks to schedule. So I will wait. I'm hoping that I can find a safe ride to take me to and from.

Additionally, my T recently suggested that I check in with her at every session to see how I'm doing with my routine. I told her that I wished there were a boot camp for disabled people - something that could help me feel connected with others who hold similar goals, but this time, our goal is to heal ourselves. I wish I could do exercise, but I can't. I'm limited with the chronic fatigue syndrome and other physiological disorders. So, she told me to take small steps, and that we could work on this together. My T is a veteran like me, only, I was enlisted and she was an officer. I feel quite privileged to have her as my T, and for her to understand. We barely spoke about this idea yesterday, when I told her I miss my youth, that I think I'm dealing with midlife crisis or transitions, and that I'm struggling with dissociation, depression, being obese, being disabled, and having no purpose in life. So, here I am with this makeshift boot camp idea, though I have no idea where to start in my design and "training." I told her I'm alone, and I wish there were at least online Zoom groups to do this with. But at least I can check in with her twice a week via Zoom.

While I'm considering the boot camp idea, I have to figure out my baseline for chronic fatigue syndrome and post-exertional malaise (PEM). I need to figure out how much is too much before I crash hours or the next day, which then puts me out for at least one day, if not one week, depending. I already have a few spreadsheets cataloging my expenses and activities, but not in the way that will help me determine my baseline for CFS/ME/PEM. So, this is on my to-do list for next week and throughout this month.

Hopefully, I'll have made progress. For now, these are just ideas in the works. I'm still struggling with PEM and major fatigue, so I haven't recuperated from that yet. It's been about a week since I've been fatigued and half-functioning in and out of bed.