Lately I have been thinking that I might have an issue with food and alcohol that has lasted for many years and I am not able to change it by myself. At the same time, the issue doesn’t really seem to fit into any diagnostic criteria and I am also able to lead a normal work and family life with it. I don’t want to feel like a fool when telling it to my therapist, I’ve only been there once for mild anxiety and even that felt like I did not really belong there…

I usually eat something light and healthy for breakfast like an oatmeal or cereal. Sometimes when I’m really hungry, I eat a sandwich but I avoid pastries in general, cause of high calorie content. I don’t count calories, I just have a rough understanding of what is considered low calorie and high calorie food and usually go for the low calorie alternatives. I’m a vegetarian and try to go for vegan options if possible, so I eat some meat alternatives at lunch, a lot of Indian food since they are vegan friendly and I love salad bars. Generally the meals that are served in restaurants are too huge for me and I try to avoid food waste, so I eat where I can actually control the portion of my food or go for the 1/2 portion option. I also eat something sweet after lunch, I try to go for something healthy like a cereal bar but sometimes I also eat chocolate or even a peace of cake. I also have my guilty pleasure days when I allow myself to eat chips, popcorn, sweets, anything really, I just don’t want them to happen too often. I try not to eat anything after 3 p.m. but when I feel really hungry I usually eat some salad or fruit, peanuts have proven their worth too.

The thing is, I really often meet with friends and we drink after work and yes sometimes I drink alone. I don’t drink much, usually two glasses of wine or two pints of beer are enough for me, but that’s also because I don’t really eat anything after the 3 p.m…

I have told myself that I need to stop it, that drinking at weekdays should be taboo, but I don’t know how else to vent after work. Then I have told myself that I should eat something when I drink but I’m too terrified of gaining weight. My BMI currently fluctuates between 18-19.