Thank goodness, you're doing better. Hang in there!! I have not been suicidal in years but can tell you that life does improve with time. I was suicidal on risperidone and got off it. Then, put on many meds afterward that made me even sicker. Now, after many years later, I am on one med and doing great. I feel that at times the medication can adversely affect your mood. I don't know the reason for my depression on risperidone but am now much better on Abilify- it has antidepressant effects too. I am doing well and hope one day you feel better too. Life is a journey.