It sounds like you lack purpose, and like you've been languishing. People need purpose in life. Purpose is a strong motivator, apart from mere survival.

I used to wake up every morning feeling suicidal, and then going back to sleep or just lying there because I had nowhere to go, no one to see, nothing but losses in my life, and no energy. I had low energy even when I did have purpose - all due to chronic fatigue syndrome, so I knew for me that it was a combination of both. The chronic fatigue meant less energy, meant less time spent with others, meant lowered productivity when I was in college, meant I wasn't getting into grad school, meant more losses, more pain, more increased worsening conditions, etc.

For you, it might not be chronic fatigue, but it might be depression. Depression isn't something you can just snap out of. And if the meds aren't working, and if the therapy isn't working, you could be what professionals have labeled "treatment resistant." It doesn't mean that you purposely resist, but rather, your condition is severe enough to warrant a different approach - only, they haven't discovered what that approach is yet.

What helped me when I told my T about my feeling suicidal every morning was her allowing me to email her, and her setting a boundary stating that we'd discuss the emails in therapy, but that she would try (during business hours only) to send me a good-morning email every morning. Initially, it helped me look forward to waking up just to read that - at least on days when I was able to wake in time. I would still reply with a good-morning back to her, or a good-afternoon, if I woke up late. Over time, I woke up on time (or pulled an all-nighter when I couldn't sleep), just to look forward to that. She also saw me online twice a week, and she's been seeing me twice a week and sending me the good-mornings most of the time (not always), as she would reply to one of my emails. Not all therapists can do this, but it might be a suggestion for your T. Over time, I didn't have the suicidal thoughts in the morning. They would only come when I had really stressful times, but not upon waking. If your T can't do this, maybe an accountability buddy can do this for you - someone you know IRL, so that you have a known connection with that person. If you know someone IRL who can email you a good-morning or call you or even show up and see you for coffee, that would be something.

It also helped me to get up to at least do something, like update my spreadsheet with a list of things I needed to do around the apartment today, like laundry or cleaning my floors. If I didn't do it, or if I knew I was having a rough week, I would NOT write specifics, but rather I'd write "clean apartment the best I can while relaxing intermittently." I would be able to accomplish that, even if it meant that I relaxed more than I cleaned, and that all I did was put something away without cleaning it yet. But this might require the ability to feel pleasure after accomplishing a task. If you have anhedonia, or are unable to feel pleasure from tasks, then that might be why you're treatment-resistant, and it might explain why you don't feel pleasure from these goals at all.

I'm sorry that the meds and talk therapies aren't helping you. It sounds like what you need is a listening ear, some comfort, some validation that you're not alone - even if it means that nothing anyone says will make you feel better, since you might have challenges with the ability to feel pleasure from even that.

I think about it like people losing their ability to taste when dealing with long-covid. I've not experienced it, and I can't imagine what people go through when foods taste horrible or have no taste at all, and when smell interferes with taste as well - meaning, you can't smell or that which you do smell is horrible and completely off. It's hard to feel pleasure from eating or drinking when everything tastes horrible. Perhaps some people might feel pleasure from the weight-loss thing, but that is only short-lived when compared to how much we were used to being able to taste and smell. Those losses are themselves depressing. They can't feel pleasure eating or drinking like they used to, and they're desperate to find a way to cure that problem - or at least manage it toward finding something that tastes or smells pleasurable. All the suggestions in the world would mean nothing when people don't understand what it feels like to go without taste and smell, and to go without feeling pleasure while eating.

So, while I do understand the waning of being able to feel pleasure as well as the fatigue that goes along with depression (amongst other things, like my other illnesses), I may not fully understand the depths of what you're going through.

Can you write a list of anything that used to give you pleasure, or still does? If you can write a list with the intensity of pleasure for each item, and then bring that list with you to your psychiatrist and therapist, then that might help better inform them about why the past treatments weren't working. The intensity scale could go something like this: 0 = no pleasure whatsoever, 1 = minimal pleasure in thought but not feelings, 2 = pleasure just to bide the time, 3 = pleasure, but not enough to make me happy, 4 = pleasure, enough to distract and make me happy, and 5 = pleasure that brings about joy - something that helps me to avoid depressing thoughts. You can also come up with YOUR OWN intensity scale with your own numbers and words.

Don't give up, as much as you want to. Hang in there. Keep posting here, if it at least offers a place to vent and find others who struggle similarly or at least understand in part.