Ive been to the hospital for sui thoughts far to much. I'm afraid of the pain, it's what's kept me here for 15 years. I thought about going to the hospital this very week. Then, I thought what could I do to create a life I enjoy. With a current wrist injury on my dominant hand, and I thought I can't do life anymore. After making a choice to stay out of the hospital, I tried what I'd do in the hospital, art. I painted with my left hand, mostly.

Then that act got me thinking, what can I do to help my life be tolerable. And I got moving physically, restarted meds, and then I slowed down some. Thinking of possible problems, then I investigated my denial, and why life seems hard.

I denied that I knew what I wanted, that my behavior wasn't hurting anyone, and most of all I denied that medication and therapy didn't help at all. It was back and white thinking...

It took 15 years, of blaming others, and now I can accept the responsibility and take action.

It feels hard today, and when the solution pain isn't as bad as the current pain, then change happens.

Sent from my motorola one 5G ace using Tapatalk