I am so tired. I am so F*&@ing tired of this crap. Why can I not have an experience with people that doesn’t end in disaster. I called the urgent care facility and explained, explicitly – that I don’t have a primary care physician (PHP) but I’ve been dealing with migraines and headaches and is that something they could treat me for. They said yes. I went through the process of making an appointment and everything and got there and filled out paperwork etc. I waited a long time, but I expected that. I heard the staff in the hallway talking about me, because they seemed really confused why I was there. When the APRN came in, I started by explaining I called and was told they could help me. She did say she could give me some imitrex, but adamantly, and rather forcefully, told me that a PCP has to take care of stuff like this and it’s not their place to do it. I asked, why wasn’t I told that when I called before hand and asked if this was something they could do.

She got hateful, and it just went back and forth to the point she told me I could leave if I didn’t like her advice. I told her, again, what my issue was, how she dismissed it as she told me “she didn’t answer this phone and this was her last day anyway” and that I will go to a PHP to follow-up, but I would appreciate medicines. She hatefully asked me my pharmacy.

She had another person tell me I could leave. I asked if I would get any papers (discharge) or anything, she asked if I needed them, and I explain that I don’t – I just was used to that. I asked the APRN for her name and she refused to give it to me. I reiterated 2-3 times. So I am not allowed to know the name of the provider I saw and prescribed medicine? I told her I was going to file a complaint and she clapped her hands and laughed and said “HAHA., IT’S MY LAST DAY.” – I let her know I do know what the board of nursing is, and left. I’m so angry I am shaking. WHY CAN’T I HAVE AN INTERACTION THAT DOESN’T END LIKE THIS. Is it me? Is it really me? I just can’t deal with people. I just really can’t. I'm asbolutely giving up. People are not worth it, feeling "better" isn't worth the drama to try to get there. I'd much rather suffer and die this way than deal with people in this way. If it's my fault they don't deserve it, if they are left feeling any bit as awful as it makes me feel.

I don't even want to pick up the medicine because I am angry and my pharmacy, while interactions have settled -- make me anxious and awful feeling and I feel I've been in there too many damn times.

EDIT: Fun note, the APRN put the Imitrex in as name brand only nasal spray, so it's of course not in stock and should be by Tuesday. I don't have a migraine right now anyway but chances are give it two days, this stress will cause one. I hope to God I don't have to suffer. I'm at my wits end. If anyone may have it on hand, it would be the small-town pharmacies which aren't open on weekends. I've called two pharmacies and they don't have it. Again, it's not like it is pressing but it is pressing. I just know I'm going to have to suffer. I really am so tired of this round and round. I am made out to be incompetent and the bad guy in these situations.


Suffering in silence at least means I'm not suffering to fight to not suffer. It's not worth it. I've lived this long just "dealing with it". I will continue. I am not sure what the next step is, but if it were made today -- I'd cancel all appointments and just go back to suffering alone. I just am tired of problem after problem with common denominator being me.

I don't even have an ability to do that today (nor would I, I am just really upset) but I hope the feeling passes... but I am not sure at this point I can wave it away and call it some "bad experiences but the ends justify the means."