Thank you for your service!

I'm a veteran, too. I am a survivor of MST, in addition to childhood trauma. Apparently, there are so many veterans I've met who have had both childhood trauma and some military trauma.

My OCD-like symptoms happened way after my discharge and PTSD and dissociation diagnoses. I NEVER had OCD before the military, nor have I ever had OCD for many years after the military. It was when I got a couple of incurable diseases that I started being extra cautious about everything. I think I'm afraid of contamination, but I'm not sure. I couldn't handle dropping a clean and dried clothing item on the ground (to me, it must be cleaned again), for instance. I tried to keep my shoes clean, but that could be an Asian thing, too, with not wearing shoes in the home and also spraying Lysol on a weekly basis on the bottoms of my shoes. I freaked when I couldn't purchase any cleaning supplies for home delivery during the pandemic. I now wash my hands and have to have a one-use washcloth for each dry. I would wash them, but I would never use a hand towel over and over again to dry my hands. I now only use the washcloths to dry. I have over 100 washcloths. I wash my hands about 40 times a day. This was all after the pandemic, not before. I also wash my towels after only one use after a shower, but I've always done that. Some people can reuse their towels, but I never could. I don't have energy to clean all the time, but I do the best I can on a weekly basis. I now use a washcloth designated to open cabinets and the fridge; I never use my bare hands to touch any handles anymore. This was only after the pandemic. So yeah, you could say that my need to be in control and avoid a traumatic Covid death is a bit excessive. I might have OCD now, but who knows. All I know is that I'm afraid of dying a traumatic death.

I have DID and PTSD.

I lucked out with my T because all I asked for was a T who could help me with dissociation and PTSD. The VA already had on record my DID diagnosis, in addition to PTSD. Only the PTSD is service-connected. But my dissociation got worse. I had no clue that I had dissociation until years after discharge. The first VA I went to didn't have anyone, but I had some nice T's help me here and there. When I moved out of state, I lucked out with being referred to a really good T. She might be retiring soon, but at least I have her for now. You might get lucky, too.

I met my T at the Vet Center. I'm hoping you meet a good T at the Vet Center, too. And even if you can't get a T at the Vet Center, you could still join in on their socialization events. They sometimes do camping events, movie events, concert events, potluck events, and more. But due to this pandemic, many events have stopped in many areas. One of the Vet Centers I went to did sky diving for their veterans. Oh, and horse therapy seems to be a common thing - at least in the two states I've lived in so far where I went to the Vet Center for treatment. I think you'd like it. They offer more group activities than the mainstream VAMC.

You can concurrently go to the VA and the Vet Center, so it's not just one or the other. They all work together, but the Vet Center keeps your counseling confidential, whereas the VAMC logs it in for almost anyone to see - including yourself on the Blue Button reports.

That's why I prefer the Vet Center or Community Care for my therapy sessions; I know it's not logged in for everyone to see like at the VA Hospital.

The Vet Center might have T's that are trained in multiple areas, including trauma, dissociation, and OCD. My T is trained to help all of those and eating disorders (though I don't have an ED).

I'll friend you so you can PM me if you need to.