I just did something super dumb and I took an extra 20mil of Geodon and when that didn’t work I looked all over for a 25 mil visteril which can somewhat help my anxiety. The 50mil sucks *** though. and I couldn’t find one. But I had a bottle of Ativan from 3 years ago. So I took one. I don’t know if that was safe. Like if those can expire and I don’t know how it will work in relation to my 5 Valium. I don’t know but this anxiety was insane all day and I don’t know if this is really just the Benadryl or if it’s post op anxiety that came up 3 weeks after the surgery. But I don’t ever get like all day med resistant anxiety. Especially when 5 Valium and 200 mil of Geodon are involved. So let’s just hope for the best regarding the 3 year old Ativan. I don’t want to go to the ER for a mental health concern when I was just there twice this month for medical issues. I do have a Pdoc appointment at 2:30 tommrow afternoon but I don’t really know what to tell him or how to tell him what I’ve been feeling in a 15 minute session. I promised my therapist I’d tell my Pdoc about this past Tuesday though.

I feel kinda like the room is spinning but when I close my eyes I’m ok. I honestly think I’m ok I probably just need to eat some sugar.

I don’t like telling people when this stuff happens because then they get annoyed with you after awhile because you are just not trying anymore. Yeah my transference T was also super understanding and helpful the first time I had a med incident. But after it kept going on she just got more frustrated with me and I don’t want my new therapist to get like that with me.

Edit: So now it’s a couple hours later and I still don’t feel great. I took my 20mil melatonin and I doubt I’ll sleep well tonight. I just hope I don’t have a hangover like I did last week when I took stuff. I’m not in danger. I’m breathing ok and stuff. The thing is even if I go to bed at 11 I’ll still wake up at 5 and I’ll be tired. I just can’t get enough sleep no matter what time I fall asleep.

Edit again: I took a 3rd melatonin and slathered my hands and arms in sleep lotion. I ate some Ben and Jerry’s too. So I don’t know if 5 Valium, 1 Ativan, 30mil of melatonin, an extra 20mil Geodon, along with everything else is really safe. But I don’t feel like I’m in danger.

My anxiety was so bad today. And I don’t even know how to describe what type I was feeling. It wasn’t my usual anxiety. It was kind of like this agitated irritable anxiety that I just didn’t like feeling. It wasn’t the i need a lot of reassurance type anxiety or anxiety about anything in particular. Meds always take care of that kind. Which makes me think this was a reaction to the Benadryl. Especially since this is the only thing I did differently in the last 3 days.