Hi Aviza. I hope you enjoy your planning for retirement, and I hope you have an exciting retirement transition!

Here's some thoughts and my own personal reactions to your post, which may or may not help. If it's too much or doesn't help, you can ignore the following. I just thought that some of what I say might shed some light on whether you are ready for retirement.

Going on disability or retirement is tough when you've been working even part-time or attending college. I remember the transition back in the early 2000s from working full-time to becoming homeless and then going on disability about 6 months later (thankfully, the SSDI accepted me right away, which is unusual). I remember feeling bored and without purpose in life - once I found somewhat of stable living conditions, though it took a while from moving from living in my car to living in various roommate situations to finally getting assisted housing. I was able to get off of assisted housing about 15 years later, when I received VA benefits that I didn't know I had.

During my 15 years of disability, I tried to spend 5 of those years self-rehabilitating in college. Initially, I started out part-time and then worked my way up to full-time status. I earned two undergraduate degrees and some awards. I got to volunteer in research labs. I tried my best to work toward the stamina it took for grad school and at least a part-time career in research. But then my health deteriorated over time. Something happens in our 40s and beyond, which doesn't really help our preexisting conditions (mental or physical). I worsened all around and could barely volunteer 5 hours a week in the end. I had no choice but to go from academic life to bedrest and being homebound. It was horrible. It was like forced disability and forced retirement in one. I have enough to live comfortably, but I have no legacy to leave behind. It also happened so quickly that I didn't have time to prepare for a transition, like most people who transition from the workforce into retirement (with hopefully a legacy of good work and a good name for themselves before retirement).

As a disabled person most of my life, I have no real work-based or even volunteer-based legacy to leave behind. My PTSD and DID got in the way of relationships, which is to say that I have no true social capital that would make my legacy attempts worthwhile before or after death. I wanted to make a difference in the world, but instead I became a burden to some and hated by others. If I had an inheritance or substantial money to travel in a pre-pandemic world, I might enjoy doing that - but not alone. I had no one to share any good news or accomplishments with when I received awards as a disabled undergrad student. I graduated nearly alone, with only one friend showing up at my graduation. The other friend was too late. My family never showed.

There's a lot to think about before going on disability or on retirement. The earlier you plan, the better. If you plan for a transition into a new life, that will help you with your mental health. You could keep up the momentum of "work" by finding volunteer opportunities in the future, once you retire and/or go on disability. You can also make a "bucket list" or "legacy list" of things you want to do (such as traveling or sky diving). Maintaining certain friendships and being open to new relationships are key to a successful transition from work life to retired life, IMHO.

I'm still struggling with the desire to rehabilitate, go to grad school, and then work part-time. But I'm now approaching my 50s (I'm in my late-40s), and this pandemic has set me back so much that I don't think I could rehabilitate now. I have so much working against me. So I have to weigh the pros and cons of that. I'm in the opposite situation, and my fear is exactly what you are feeling and describing. I keep telling myself, "If only I had just completed a Master's degree before I became too disabled to rehabilitate." I wanted at least that legacy - to feel somewhat "normal" and self-actualized. My potentials do NOT match my accomplishments or life's history at all. It will forever bother me.

So, if you are ready - you will know that you accomplished what you wanted to in life, that you can always continue contributing to society in some way, and that you can truly enjoy the world for the rest of your life (even if disabled and not full-functioning). For some, the risk of Covid-19 was enough to stop the disabled from working and/or rehabilitating; they've instead decided to simply live off of disability and consider it an "early retirement." For others, career losses meant transitioning to a different field or simply retiring early, even though their legacies weren't fully satisfying. Of course, I'm only speaking about the margins - not the able-bodied or high-functioning disabled who can still work and/or who are willing to risk their lives to continue to work - for whatever reason.

That said, do assess your readiness for the transition into retirement. Also consider your new social routine and social networking. If you prepare well, you might actually find it really healing and enjoyable!