Witness Orange,

Reading through again, I really feel your pain. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to get to the place you want both of you to be. All the trying, the exercises, all the patience, there must be a point where you concede it’s not going to result in what you really want. But you’ve tried and tolerated for so long, and you love her, so you can’t throw it away. You’re condemned to suffer in hope or despair, getting older and uglier and closer to death. If that’s right, I’m right there with you.

I hope this isn’t inappropriate, I’m new here, but is it fair to assume what you really need is simply to bang?

Have you considered seeking what you need outside the relationship? Would that relieve some of your stress?

I’m seriously looking at that but haven’t taken pretty selfies for a tinder profile yet. I find that daunting and exposing - not to mention trying to explain exactly why I’m married yet on tinder. I have zero experience with online dating etc. and even less experience with one night stands. I’ve never actually pulled / picked up / scored outside of a committed relationship. I guess I’m trying to find the courage and motivation to go through with trying it. I’m somewhat handsome but not very social - I’m a bit of a thinker and not a talker. I see propositioning someone as something like assault, afraid of offending or making them uncomfortable.

Damn it I made this all about me again!

Do you hold out hope that you and your wife can be young lovers again? Or are you looking to therapize yourself out of having a sex drive? Have you thought of getting sex elsewhere?

I can’t see how you/I can ever be happy, and I’m very incredulous as to the potential for change.