Finding myself increasingly willing/wanting to share with Potential New T, but at the same time still wanting to run for the hills. I can feel the hint of that wry smile that has always seemed to signify that Teenage One is around somewhere.

It's an 'ive got you!' kind of smile. But it's nowhere near as big a feeling as I had when I worked with that one lady years ago. That was never going to work. It's like the defences are there, but that they are weaker than they have been for a long time. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, but given by what we established today about how opening up some holes in my defences allowed for some remarkable positive changes, I'd hazard a guess that it's a good thing.

I don't think I will email this week. I might change my mind, but instead I was thinking I could use the money to order those paints I've had my eye on.

Not sure I should always look at it this way though, because I could buy a lot with £100 a week, and I'd be tempted to jack therapy in altogether if I looked at it that way!

That said, craft supplies probably won't lead to me confronting my abuser and opening up to my family, both of which are my aims, so I'm guessing I should keep going?!?

I'll write some stuff down though, and take it to session next week. Stuff about current changes, and missing having Ex T to support me/celebrate with me.

Potential New T asked how I would feel if she said that she wasn't planning on being around for our session in a couple weeks time. When I said I would possibly ask to see Temp T, we agreed that probably wasn't the best thing for me right now, and she said that in that case she will see me still first thing Monday. Which I am grateful for. I am grateful for her understanding that I kind of need the consisted right now. I think I do anyway, I mean, I could miss a week, but I'm not sure that it would be good for our relationship building.