I'm so sorry puzzclar and ArtleyWilkins. I hope that you are able to find comfort and good quality time with your loved ones. This must be a really tough time. I don't know what to say, but I hope that you two are able to find comfort during this time.

Although I grew up in an abusive home with an abusive father, I still struggle with my father's death - over two decades. It's not easy, but time and support help. Leading up to his death were telltale signs like him being in a wheelchair and on oxygen supply for the last year of his life. I was only 18 years old at the time of his death. I didn't have much support back then, and they didn't have the World Wide Web yet, so I did the best I could to deal with that final year. It's hard to watch someone you love hurting so much, and even harder when they are gone.

The one thing that got me through those times were my friends back then, and spending as much time with my dad as possible. I worked and went to school, but I did my best to talk with my dad. I lived with him, so it was easier than being long-distance. But I've also lost loved ones who lived far away. Sadly, my dysfunctional family doesn't give me the news until long after the funeral (i.e., I never get invited to funerals or good-byes). But I do hold onto what good I can do. That's all we can do is to hold onto the good.