I can't do this. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to do this. Watching a drama in TV, one that I would normally have turned off by now, but this didn't crop up until the last of four episodes and a part of me does want to finish it. I can barely even watch things like this. I can barely even stand the thoughts in my head. I can't bare to have anyone look me in the eyes because I'm terrified that by looking at my eyes they will see what happened to me. I can't bare to have anyone know what happened. How am I ever going to be able to share these things with another human being face to face. How am I ever going to be able to do any of this.