Something that helps me...I actually have experienced some of the dying process with my disease. I am doing better, but we are all physically mortal beings. I like this quote from the song "Thank U" by Alanis Morrisette: "How 'bout not equating death with stopping?" I find this song useful when anxiety is getting the best of me. I find it helpful sometimes to sit with and acknowledge my fears, bring them into a place of acceptance. Accepting there are things beyond our control but we can control ourselves. That is our power. Living in the moment helps, too. I've been working on changing my perspectives and accepting the things that I simply cannot change.

I was facing my mortality at the age of 34. I am fortunate to be alive. I thought I would be more afraid than I was when I was given the diagnosis, but I found more peace than I did fear when facing the potential destruction within my illness. I wrote a lot of poetry. Drank a lot of tea. Found purpose in my life. Having a purpose plays a big role. I don't know if you're someone with a creative outlet, I don't see that as something you've tried yet. Why not try writing or doing a form of artwork? Stories, journals, poetry, whatever. If you can't draw (drawing just takes a lot of repetition and practice), try painting, an adult coloring book, ceramics, photography, abstract art, collages, sculptures, graphic design, making jewelry, flower arrangements, gardening, baking, cooking. Or music? Playing an instrument, singing. I'm not sure what creativity suits you but I feel like we all have it within us. Sometimes my creative expression is the one thing that keeps me sane or from giving up on life.

Have you tried spending time in nature? Everyone has their thing in nature that helps the most. Some find peace by rivers or bodies of water, some in the mountains, others in gardens, or on nature trails. I think when all else fails, nature has a way of healing or bringing someone peace. Sometimes taking long walks alone (also good for your health).

Lastly, I don't know what your spiritual beliefs might be. But I have found surrendering my worries and fears and troubles to a higher power helps me a lot. One time I was so stressed I was awake for about 48 hours, I decided to give the issue I was obsessing/ruminating about to my higher power. My rationale: I needed to sleep, so someone else can work on this for a while. Maybe come up with a solution if I can't. After that, I was finally able to pass out because I stopped thinking about it. If this isn't your thing, set a mental boundary, "I am mentally setting this aside for now, so I can come back later with a fresh mind." Then let it go.

I am deeply empathetic with your struggles. I know what it's like when your mind is a place of Hell, tormenting you with anguish, suffering, and chaos. You are not alone.