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SprinkL3 · Oct 27, 2021 at 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkfeary

I am done. I want to give up. I am 48. I need to conquer my fears, severe anxiety and depression, complex ptsd, trauma, obsessive debilitating constant fear of aging illness dying, relentless impending doom. Incessant worries about my health every second. Terrified of the future. Cannot function at all, I just want to be there for my kids and be present, enjoy, have peace, feel safe, and look forward to life instead of being terrified of everything all the time. I have tried soooo many things for several years but NOTHING works at all. I have tried all medications, inpatient, partial hospitalization, residential, ECT, TMS, hypnosis, stellate ganglion block, meditation, exercise, everything. No idea what to do. I cannot go on another day like this. I have constant feelings of suffocating impending doom every second like I will die any day now. Is there anything that can help? Please, i cannot live like this one more day. I am begging you. I need this to be gone as soon as possible. Please, please help me. I cannot bear living with this one more second. There just seems to be no solution. I always feel in danger and dreading the future constantly. Every second I am consumed with an intense fear of aging and of dying. I do not know what to do. I wish I could find proper relief. I never am able to relax, enjoy, or have any peace. And I know it is inevitable and useless to worry and irrational but it will not let me go one bit!

@darkfeary (((safe hugs)))

I'm so sorry you are struggling with treatment-resistant depression. The best support you can get right now would be speaking with professional counselors and licensed crisis counselors at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (if you're in the U.S.). Their number is 1-800-273-8255.

Please don't end your life. Please don't give up.

You might want to explain all your symptoms (including what sounds like anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure) to a psychiatrist as well as a psychologist. If you have a therapist and/or psychiatrist, please reach out to them and leave them a message. Also consider checking into a treatment facility, depending on your insurance. You can go in voluntarily, which gives you the option where to go ahead of time. If you go involuntarily, meaning, via ambulance or police, they will put you anywhere. But even that's better than the alternative.

You are not alone in the struggle. And maybe treatments in the past haven't worked, but there are professionals out there who are working on how to treat treatment-resistant depression. There are newer methods out there, which might sound scary initially, but it might help. Consider all of them and get a few opinions before making a choice.

Hang in there.