Both civilians and veterans can download the Department of Veterans Affairs COVID Coach App. On there, there's a section called "Finding Meaning." I clicked on it and hit the ">" tab, which brought me to a section called "Filler Feelings."

Until tonight, I had no idea that I was using filler feelings to cope with my emotions during this pandemic. According to the app,

Being disabled, alone, unemployed, and homebound means for me that I have tons of time to fill. Although I'm not as stressed out over my daily schedule as those who work, volunteer, or go to school; I am still stressed out over my inability to get even basic household chores done. I spend most of my gigantic filler time with reading the news again and again, which my T calls a PTSD response because I'm constantly looking for danger (such as our crisis standards of care status, the uptick in both C19 deaths and cases, and the uptick in racism - since I'm Asian and mixed with European American). Although these activities help me feel more in control of the danger that surrounds me, they also stress me out and worsen my physical and mental health conditions. My T suggested to me to find some balance. So, in my journey for finding some balance, I've limited my time with reading the news, I've deleted all my mainstream social media accounts (including the apps on the phone), and I've paced myself with household chores and makeshift home projects. I do the best I can and rest intermittently. However, upon resting, I realize that I've used reactive filler feelings (e.g., reading the news to find out what might be dangerous to me) versus proactive, self-care, self-soothing filler feelings (the kind where I use my new aromatherapy, or the kind where I'm coloring or playing a logic game). I forget that I need to have some play and self-care in between house chores and appointments. So, this is my new goal - to find better filler feelings throughout the day.

I shared this in case it could help someone else.