You are very real - all your parts are. Our brain is a part of us, and so whatever happens in the brain is still real. Existentialism, humanistic psychology will attest to that in some way, and offer some comfort.

It does sound like you are struggling with dissociation. But if you have a comorbid diagnosis with dissociation and/or PTSD, it's also understandable that you would be struggling even more with certain symptoms. But that's okay. You're still very real, and you're in a safe place to share. Thank you for sharing!

I don't struggle with schizoaffective disorder, but I can relate to the pain you feel from questioning yourself and your experiences. I hope your treatment team helps validate your experiences and acknowledge that you are real.

(((safe thoughts and hugs)))