What to do? 48 and get the most horrible thoughts and feelings about aging, illness, dying.

It is so horrible that I imagine myself as 50,55,60,65,70,75,80,85,90,95,100 and it terrifies me and I feel transported to those ages and feel the extreme sadness and terror I will feel being old and dying also.

I am also worried at the same time whether I will be able to make it past 50 even! I loathe myself now already and I despise my body so I can imagine how I will feel older when I am even worse with wrinkles and fat and ugly skin and sagging all over. I already have those things and it is already saddening me.

These thoughts and images are intrusive and I cannot even sleep or nap because I get suffocated by them.
There is just no solution for this condition.

Such excruciatingly painful fears. No way to make peace with and accept the inevitable even if I try to.

I would end me if I had the courage. I see no other option.