And THIS is why emailing is important to me. Having watched something that has serious triggered me I am now left alone with these thoughts, feelings, memories. I don't do well with it all in my head and as of yet there isn't anyone I can talk to about it. Not really. I can tell a couple of friends I've been triggered, but it means nothing to them. It ends up with me believing I mean nothing to them. They don't even know the relevance because they don't know what happened to me.

I need to find a way to tell my boyfriend about my history. I know I do, but I can't. I can't do it. And that's NOT a word I use lightly. I just physically cannot do it. That's why I need therapy. I need to be able to find a way, but until then, my T is all I have. The only vent I have. But, right now, I don't even have that. So my session was on Tuesday and I was triggered on Tuesday evening. So I have to wait a whole week to be able to even release any of this unless I pay £30 to email. Or I can email, bit she won't reply. What good is that?

I know with Temp T I would have been able to fire a quick email and she would have read and replied briefly and supportively. Letting me know she is there. That's all I need.