It looks like I’ll be for sure staying at the hotel for thanksgiving after the group message my cousin just sent out. It was a strange message in general but she sent it to that one cousin I didn’t get along with even before I came out. My mom is actually fine with me staying at the hotel. She’s just as confused by the message as I am since it was only sent to the cousins. But that’s actually kind of a relief that she’s fine with me staying at the hotel. No one has replied to my cousin though. So I don’t even know at this point what’s even going on.

I found out today my therapist is the same age as me. I thought she was about 10 years older. She looks older. I like her a lot so I guess it doesn’t matter but it feels strange having a therapist the exact same age as me. The second she told me her age I instantly felt weird. She acknowledged we were the same age and that she doesn’t tell everyone her age. She’s super professional though. Would the age thing bother anyone else?

Our session was good though. I fell asleep around 10 last night and my black out curtains helped me sleep until almost 8. So I didn’t have much time to dwell on my session at all. I basically just took a shower and watched 15 minutes of The today show before leaving.

I feel decent today although I’m a bit anxious but I had a small coffee and a diet Dr. Pepper.

I can’t sleep and it’s late. Much later then I’m usually up. I just took my 4th 10 mil melatonin and I took a 5th Valium. I’ve been trying to drink a zero sugar Gatorade. I had my music on for 2 hours. I’ve had white noise on for 40 minutes. No clue why I can’t sleep but I’m losing my patience. I have therapy very early and she will know something is up if I don’t get a somewhat restful nights sleep with all the crap I took.

Edit: I slept for just about an hour. I feel decent physically. Not totally ok but not in danger either. I turned off my fan and got under my other blanket. I cut way back on the caffeine I’ve had so maybe that’s my problem. That or the topamax are the only things I can think of.