I had these thoughts when I was 29, and I thought I'd die at 30. I lived. I'm now 47. I still struggle with similar thoughts as you. I have to fight them with positive affirmations, a safety list, cognitive behavioral therapy, internal family systems therapy, and many other things for my many diagnoses.

Do you have a T you can speak with about this?

Also, you can call your national crisis line. Are you in the U.S. or a different country?