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It's so hard for me to tell if behaviors are problems due to medication withdrawal or if that's just how i am. I've made peace with benzos and accepted that i will be on 5mg Valium for life and have started working on Risperdal. I'm down 50% to 1mg.
I went down to 0.5mg but i had racing thoughts and had a hard time getting anything done so i went back up to 1mg but now i'm still getting the behavior tho in a much milder way that i think i can cope with. I have a hard time telling if it's just harmless day-dreaming, wandering in my mind in the past, having fantasies about doing things differently or if it's really harmful racing thoughts.
There's some paperwork that i have to get to and the behavior is quite an obstacle. Otherwise, i don't mind it because it's a free way of entertaining myself, to sit quietly and just let my mind spin loose and the hours pass peacefully. I can journal and that's worthwhile, i've made some conclusions about the past which have been valuable. It's late afternoon tho before the behavior loses it's grip.
I don't want to go back up on the Risperdal because of the expense. My last scrip was delightfully affordable at $35 for a 100 day supply which is just stellar as i'm getting serious about saving again as our public retirement fund deadline nears (end of February [Canadian]).
I guess the question is always: is it impacting my functionality? Well, i have 2.5 months to do the paperwork, so a little procrastination is okay. I've made a deal with myself that i'll do it Monday morning. It'll be the start of the work-week and i think i'll be ready to face it then.
If i still can't get it done on Monday i'll have to consider going back up on the Risperdal. The original reason for the med reductions was to tame my appetite so i could lose weight but i've only had a negligible reduction.
I also don't care so much about weight anymore since the new Old Navy commercial came out with the so-pretty and lovely "Saturday Night Live" plus-size comedienne Aidy Bryant and plus-size models dancing around in their new line of plus-size jeans up to size 30 and i'm just so delighted with it!
Affordable plus-size jeans are miraculous!
And the women are so pretty and having such fun in their bodies, dancing around WITH THEIR SHIRTS TUCKED IN, exposing their waists (blasphemy in the recent past!) It seems like it's getting to be okay to be fat these days. The "Me Too" and "Time's Up" movements help too.
It's actually kind of subversive to be a fat female! I'm finding women who are overly-absorbed with losing weight kind of repellent and superficial and pawns of the male-dominated capitalist elite, consumers of oppression.
And anyways, at the end of my life, am i going to look back over my life and feel, "Gee, i really wish i had worried about my weight more?"
Anyways my doctor thinks it's more the Seroquel that's driving my appetite so that's what i'll work on next, once i conclude the Risperdal issue. I'll try and reduce the Seroquel for financial reasons and also common sense (i don't want to be taking meds that are unnecessary) not so much to lose weight.
Aces!
Last edited by Anonymous41462; Oct 29, 2021 at 08:53 AM.
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