I woke up with anxiety this morning and I was 20 minutes late for work because I couldn't get out the door. I recognized the anxiety as being related to the continued working through I have been engaging in with T.

When I got to therapy this evening I was very anxious--the I can feel it in my chest and tummy kind of anxiety. I told T about a dream I had on Sunday night.

In the dream I was selling my house and trying to find a new one in the county T's office is in, but I couldn't remember the name of the realtor. My memory was failing me in the dream.

I told him I was trying to find my way back to him. I also told him that for the first time I was able to know and observe that my inner child is actually me. I had a really really hard time staying present and was fighting dissociation the whole session long. I actually got dizzy at one point.

The tears flowed freely and he was so gentle and soft. We were soooo connected and I never wanted it to end. I wish he could hold me. OMG I just want him to just hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay.

On the way home I left him a message about how integrating the pain of this little girl feels so heavy sometimes it is overwhelming and I collapse or melt into a puddle.