I went to my Therapy Gardenung Group on Friday. One of the helpers their said hello and asked if I was ok. I was not ok. I shook my head. He was really good and said we could go and sit outside instead of the poly tunnel. He asked if something had happen to trigger me. I said yes. He asked when. I said Tuesday. He asked when I had last seen my T, I said Tuesday morning. He asked if I had managed to have any contact with her this week, to check in... I said no. I said I had sent her an email but that she hadn't replied.

We talked about telling her how important it is going to be for me to feel I can have that support through the week too, even in just the smallest amount.

I said I was just grateful I could go there. He set me up outside on my own and together we planted some spring onions, then we went in and did some cutting back. By the end I was ok to sit around the table for refreshments.

I had basically given up on my T, even wrote to her (but not sent) saying that the whole not responding thing is cruel, especially when someone is quite obviously reaching out. How there are 10,080 minutes in the week, and to feel like I don't even matter enough to get 5 of those really hurts.

Then today, Sunday, out of the blue, she replies! The short, supportive, helpful kind of reply that I was looking for when I sent the email earlier in the week. She said there was obviously no charge for her short reply.

So, maybe we can work with that? But the timing needs sorting. I can wait... I'm not like I used to be so much, but that's a crazy amount of time to wait I think. By that point I had gone through all the different stages... The needing, the worry, the feeling alone, the not giving a crap, the walking out on therapy. To the point where I had totally forgotten what actually triggered me in the first place. And getting an email at that stage could just bring it all back up again.

So... If we can work on timings then that would be great.... If not.... Hmmm.... I guess I have to concede somewhere!!