Yaowen - I 100% agree. It takes a long time to get to know someone. We are putting in the work so that is something.
He is still involved with his exes and family due to having 3 daughters with 3 different women when he was younger. He is honest about his past and some things he doesnt want to share because of the shame it brings up. I get that, i have some shame too about things in my past and I will not talk about them for that reason.. they are in the past and thats where I leave them.

This is definitely that time in our relationship where I am questioning everything and I am seeing that he is as well, however his approach is more silent than mine. I am vocal about my questions because I am 47 and I dont want to waste my time if we are not on the same page.

I feel like he needs to move slower than I do and really that is ok. I need to respect his pace because so far its been a really good pace even if I sometimes feel that its not. Things have unfolded the way they are supposed to.

My triggers, well those are crazy... i keep so many of them to myself because what and who my ex is, do not reflect who my current man is. Do I see that all the time? No. because the triggers get so bad that my thoughts take over and its tough to get out of my head.

This morning I was thinking wow he is so much like my dad. I see that often however he is kinder, loving, and more attentive than my dad was and still is. One thing i love about him is the attention he gives his daughters. My dad was chasing money and women. Not chasing women in a bad way but searching for that one love he desired. His kids were on the back burner except when it came to money. So today in my life, I dont care about money or how much a man makes, I care about his time, love, commitment, consistency, and attention. I desire plenty of attention.
My current man assists with taking care of his exes parents, especially her 93/94 year old dad. Well ok, i mean you cant let down an elderly man because the relationship with his daughter did not work out, but I do not like him to be over there. It bothers me to the core. I can find a man who has none of that baggage (as he calls it) but will this man have the values, morals, and love that my man has? These are the questions I have so often.

Things are evolving and that I am grateful for and it forces me to do my own thing...which I am also grateful for. I never thought I could balance kids (mine are now 25 and 20, still at home for now), my career, myself, my home, and a man.... today I am learning how to balance all of that... without anything losing traction if that makes sense.

My brain is always on and I wish it were not. I would like to get to the point where I am not overthinking everything and able to enjoy the moment and live in the moment. I am certainly working on it but its so tough for me.

Does anyone think that perhaps if you are overthinking everything that its just not meant to be? are there people who have lived through trauma that have found peace without doing the work? I mean like life just brings what you need and desire without this overthinking?