So, today I had a productive day, I had computing class and had to re do an assignment I also helped out other classmates with there work. It felt brilliant to be a shining star in class, I feel very strong and proud of my computing ability and it feels nice that they help me out with maths and English to. Also so exciting to meet and talk to people of different personalities and countries and learning about there lives. It's just so exciting and even though I feel sick physically emotionally there's a lot of satisfaction I havent felt in years, in proving myself wrong and even succeeding in maths. I still have one question I need to finish and I'm a little behind on my other assessment but I have confidence now what my new group of friends that I'll get through and I'm so estastic to finally have closeness. Today, though I became filled with anxiety at 4pm and was out shopping with mum for two and a half. When I get home I decided to take a bath with mediation music and a nice candle that I got the shops, then I read a mindfulness magazine I bought at the shops. It had a lot of useful stuff, I opened a random page and it was on grief and different types of grief. Also, I looked and there was useful stuff for boundaries as you know, I've been struggling with understanding if Ben was in the wrong or if I was in the wrong for feeling this way. I'm still trying to make sense of my feelings, but I'm getting through the confusion and that's what counts. Mum also opened up to me and I learnt a lot about my family history my grandmother's personality her mother's childhood the tragedies she had. A lot of the traits my grandmother had, I see a lot in myself being very sensitive and taking things to heart, she was also a very anxious person. So, with that information I understand myself a bit better and I really feel grateful for mum opening up emotionally to me, and I got to learn more about the family in general and her. I feel like we've gotten closer in that moment.