So, I've now had five sessions with potential new T and it isn't feeling good. I still can't look at her. I still don't feel safe in the space. I'm still not sure if she is going to be able to provide what I need and I still don't feel like I can open up to her. I don't feel validated by her, in fact I feel insulted sometimes, though I don't think it's purposeful. I don't feel any level of connection with her. Bam. That's the Biggie right there. I don't feel any level of connection with her at all.

It felt hard with Ex T at the beginning... But there was a big difference... I'm just not sure how to explain it. Whilst it was hard, there was still a connection of some sorts, at some level. I think. I just didn't know if I was going to be allowed to have a connection with her. I didn't think I would be.

With Potential New T it just doesn't feel like there is anything there at all, yet. I'm not even sure I want there to be! Which could indicate that my Teenage One is around, rather than my Little One. Which could be a good thing.

But I'm so seriously tempted to go back to Temp T, because there was a connection there. I felt it. I felt like she understood me. I felt like she could meet me where I am at. I felt like she could be warm and caring and I felt like I could leave sessions feeling better than I did when I went in... But was I just feeling like that because she resonated with my Little One? Because she was like Ex T? Don't forget Ex T and I never could seem to work with my Teenage One. We were trying for a long time but it just wouldn't work.

And that, folks, is my dilemma.