@Bill3 and all: how do I talk to her / tell her that I didn't find her view helpful and that it contributed to my feelings of shame without putting her on the defensive? I don't want to tell her what to think and feel. At the same time, her expressed view harmed me.


Something that comes to my mind is: "I don't want to be the kind of person who has to have people always agree with them." But I'm not always.


Maybe I could say that I have usually felt good about our interactions, but that her expressed view of that guy (and me) contributed to my pain and shame. Keep it simple.


I worry she might put it back on me. Like, "you are feeling this way, your feelings are your own, and possibly a distortion, how is it my fault?" so to speak.


But if I get that from her, maybe that is a good indicator that she is not as developed as a therapist as I thought and it's maybe time to consider our relationship.