Something about this post leads me to think that you should stick with potential new T a bit longer. If the connection with ex-T didn't allow for the Teenage One to come out then maybe the Teenage One needs something different -- not completely no connection but kind of no connection. Wondering if some emotional distance would allow facts to be stated regarding the trauma you have yet to share. Like maybe she could be the wall that you are able to talk at (not with nor to but at).

I keep imagining her as a literal wall that you graffitize the information you hold tight within. Or you talking on the phone to an anonymous support line with her on the other end. Something such that you are able to basically drop the bomb because that lack of connection might leave you with the feeling that you could walk away from her once she knows the information and never face her again.

At the same time, I know you need a place where you can feel safe when triggered and once shared; there's that pickle. You don't feel safe there yet. Would being angry - allowing the Teenage One be angry towards someone be helpful? Because that might also make this type of collaboration helpful. Without the type of connect you had with ex-T; you might be able to allow the Teenage One to express anger at your long ago past and your more recent past (losing ex-T - for her not being ex-T). My love for my T makes it hard to deal with things when there is anger with my T; when the anger is truly displaced anger or out of proportion anger.

They say connection is key. There's lots of different types of connections beyond the love a little one has for their parental like person. Often a teenager doesn't need that type of connection, but they do need to know their parental like person is in the room ready to listen when words do come out. Which does come back to the email thing a little. You were able to use other resources to get through; which is wonderful. Had you gotten the email from your potential new T prior to the gardening group; you might not have been able to be open with them and had that connection with them simply because the need would no longer be there. Yet as you said, you had to go through the cycle and that sucks and may leave the Teenage One not believing that the parental person is in the room with them.

I don't know, maybe I'm just spewing stuff out my ***. It all sounds plausible; even returning to temp T which you might end up doing after you tell the wall the story.

Sorry no answers.