Quote:
@Bill3 and all: how do I talk to her / tell her that I didn't find her view helpful and that it contributed to my feelings of shame without putting her on the defensive? I don't want to tell her what to think and feel. At the same time, her expressed view harmed me.
Something that comes to my mind is: "I don't want to be the kind of person who has to have people always agree with them." But I'm not always.
|
She doesn't have to agree with you and you wouldn't be telling her what feelings or thoughts to have. You would be asking her not to bring into session those thoughts and feelings that engender shame or are otherwise harmful to you.
Whether or not she becomes defensive is up to her. In my view, a wise and skillful response would be for her to say something like "Thank you very much for sharing this with me. I bet that took courage. Can you tell me more about it?"...and then go on nonjudgmentally to explore what you felt.
Quote:
I worry she might put it back on me. Like, "you are feeling this way, your feelings are your own, and possibly a distortion, how is it my fault?" so to speak.
But if I get that from her, maybe that is a good indicator that she is not as developed as a therapist as I thought and it's maybe time to consider our relationship.
|
Yes, exactly. If she puts this back on you then in my view she is not functionally skillfully or wisely as a therapist.
She should be thrilled that you had the courage to bring this up to her, and she should support and encourage you in speaking your truth to her.