I slept pretty good last night - thanks to Phenergan that I happened to have lying around. When I got up this a.m., the depressed mood had lifted. I knew I would not be doing any crying today, and I haven't. It's a relief. Not that I feel great. I don't. Right now I'ld like to go to bed, and it's just 6 p.m.

Around noon my thinking got kind of manic. It was after I had taken my hydrocodone for neck and back pain. That happens a lot. That blew over. Now I just feel very tired.

I've gone for every kind of psych help out there. I've taken every kind of psych med just about. Back some years ago, I pretty much gave up on all of that. A year ago I sought help, but ended up not pursuing what I found. It just did not seem promising.

I wish I could find a professional to talk with candidly. In the past, I've had some bad experiences as a consumer of psych services. Confiding again in anyone in that area just strikes me as too risky.

A year ago I was an inpatient at a psych facility. This was after my boyfriend died. I got a bill for copays from the hospital psychiatrist. The bill stated that the doctor had spent 30 minutes with me every day. That was way untrue. I wrote to the doctor's office that I would consider reporting him for fraud, if I got another bill. I never did get another bill.

I'll probably feel better tomorrow than I do today. I'm going back to bed now. I feel nauseated.