Dear Mynewreality,
I am so sorry you have been going through all these heartbreaking experiences for years, but isn't it enough tolerating this disrespectful and humiliating behavior? I believe you are a great mom, kind and patient woman and your husband does not deserve you cause he does not appreciate or respect you. Why wouldn't he let you leave? Because men like these prefer comfort and convenience of everyday routine, they are scared of change, they'd rather live all tangled up in their own lies then start a new life. But you deserve better then that, stop being dependent on him, reach out to friends and family, join interests groups in your area, pursue your hobbies, join a class, learn a new skill... Run for your life from this person and don't believe his lies, he will never change, I honestly feel it's better to be alone then with someone like this...