Sounds like you are visiting the bottomless pit. It is a scary place. You have to take my word for it, you are not alone there. There are a lot of sister and brother travelors, some in the pit now, others taking a rest on the edge. Your shouting out "hellooo" was when you joined up here. It really helps to keep up a conversation your friends here.

I don't know what to say about therapists. I have not yet had a miracle worker, but had success time to time with their helping prod me into a better direction. I think it is worth you trying again. There is an online therapy site that has been associated with our host, Dr Grohol. Maybe someone has used it and can comment. http://www.helphorizons.com/

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are