valcat, hi and welcome! i'm glad you were able to do such good self care but recognizing you needed to get back into therapy.

it is scary when we finally reach out and trust a therapist , that we depend on them so much! because when we realize that dependency we fear what would be if we didn't have them when we need them. can you try to concentrate on the fact to you DO have him available to you and he's being there for you right now? will that help calm you any?

i SO understand what you're saying about the fear of dependency. i'm in the same boat. i finally trust t enuf to depend on him and it's scary, because anyone i've ever depended on has either hurt me or shown me that they're truly not dependable.

you need to discuss this with your t and work thru it. it can be done

again, welcome!