I went in to T today and gave her what I wrote about my flashback....well...first I told her that she needed to give me paper and markers so I could color while she read it as I knew that my anxiety would be out the roof...then I gave it to her. I about passed out a couple of times. I was dissociating a lot and was really trying to stay present, it was hard.

I gave her 2 pictures that were drawn by an alter of mine. She asked could she keep them so that I don't have to look at them. Of course she could have them...I don't need to be reminded of them constantly!

Then....I told her something I swore I would <font color="red">NEVER </font>tell a soul... I was so scared, but I really really really needed to get it out. I am still so very ashamed, but she said there is no reason for shame because I was just doing learned behavior...even still...there is intense shame.

She was so proud of me, but now I feel so very small and vulnerable.
Oh, I forgot that part too....my step-brother is in jail and told one of his "friends" about my BF leaving without even a note... so the guy wrote me. He was very kind, but he sent a pic and now he knows where I live!!!! I am feeling sooo vulnerable.

So, basically, I come home from a VERY hard session, I finish cleaning the virus' on my computer and then I get this letter.

Yeah, I don't think I will be sleeping well tonight!

BJ