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SprinkL3
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Ooo Nov 02, 2021 at 06:40 PM
 
There's a really awesome and INCLUSIVE website that describes asexuality specifically for ACE survivors.

Quote:
Asexuality exists on a spectrum the way that other sexualities do. Many aces identify somewhere in the gray area, which is referred to as the ace spectrum. Gray-asexuals may feel sexual attraction under very rare and specific circumstances, or they may feel sexual attraction but never have a desire to act on it. An example of a gray-asexual would be someone who recalls feeling attracted to a friend at one time, but they generally do not experience sexual attraction.
Being asexual does NOT mean that all asexuals will fit into a nicely defined "no attraction" definition. Instead, it is an INCLUSIVE category, just like the LGBTQ+ community is (in theory) an inclusive group, where anyone can define their own sexuality in their own terms. Asexuality should not be excluded, nor should its definition be so rigid so as to exclude many ACE survivors from this list.

Here's another subset of asexuality, which the site explains:

Quote:
A subset of gray-asexuality is demisexuality, which occurs when a person only feels sexual attraction after forming a very strong, emotional bond. The bond they need for sexual attraction may take several years to form. In many cases, the demisexual person can be dating someone for a long time and never feel sexually attracted to them. When explaining demisexuality to sexual people, they often mistake it for a choice instead of an innate orientation. Demisexuality is not a choice; it is simply a lack of primary sexual attraction.
Demisexuality is something that I experience on certain levels, which is why I self-define as an asexual pansexual (I can be attracted to anyone) as well as an asexual sapiosexual (I can be attracted to a person's intelligence, especially in conversation). I need not have physical sex in order to be attracted, nor do I need to be physically attracted to someone in order to be attracted to a person's non-physical features.

My asexuality is more fluid and less rigid than definitions can explain, which is in large part due to my dissociative disorder. Nevertheless, this is who I am, and my trauma should not exclude me from this category or my self-expression. Inclusivity should be for all and loosely defined, not so rigid as to use it for some (conventional) persons but not for others.

So why is self-expressing as asexual challenging for ACE survivors (including, but not limited to, child trauma survivors)? Here's some explanations from the website:

Quote:
Surviving a sexual trauma is hard enough, but being ace can add another layer of complications. Ace survivors face different issues than other survivors. For example, some ace survivors have their sexual orientation called into question because of the violence they’ve endured. Many survivor related resources focus on sexual healing in a way ace survivors find alienating. Ace-centered resources can help ace survivors navigate the intersections of their trauma and their identity without alienating them.
I know that I've been excluded from some LGBTQ+ groups for not fitting into their cookie-cutter and privileged definitions of what it means to be asexual as a survivor of ACE. Only few groups are now redefining the true meaning of "inclusivity," which includes people like me who do, in fact, belong to this particular group.

There are many helpful resources at this website, which I'm sharing now.

I found this website through a google search recently, after having to deal with some negative backlash and microaggressions. Microaggressions are hard enough for those without traumatic backgrounds, but they are even more so challenging for those who have experienced past and current traumas. Microaggressions can be experienced by those who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, too.

I'm wondering if there is anyone else who is like me - a self-expressing asexual and ACE survivor (both in the "ace" definition described within the above link, as well as the ACE definition described from Kaiser's original ACE studies on adverse childhood experiences). You could say that being an ace is an ACE - a double entendre, if you will.


Last edited by SprinkL3; Nov 02, 2021 at 10:13 PM..
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