I'm feeling anxious, and I need to avoid politics. To me, politics = control, abuse, mind control, mind rape, judgement, discrimination, hate, divisions, punishments, and more. And when I say politics, I mean all parties (not just one). If I can be anti-political, I would. I'd join that "party," only, it would then become the antithesis of that which I'd be fighting against or standing for - in a non-combative, non-fighting way.

I'm anxious because I'm triggered. I'm sick of the education I received because all that knowledge (like those described in the Bible's book, Ecclesiastes) becomes burdensome, dreadful, intrusive, and whatever the opposite of peace is (perhaps chaotic). I don't need all that floating in my brain if I'm just going to be disabled and stew at home while others control what I'm defined as, what I should or shouldn't be doing in society, how long I deserve to live, how well I deserve to live, and more. I am anxious because I want to be free to be open to change and growth, but I feel knocked down.

So my check-in runs deep.

I wish I could turn back time and dissociate again. The problem with "healing" from dissociation - or even managing it - is feeling and being aware. I'm not ready for this. My anxiety and PTSD symptoms have only increased since I've managed my dissociation.

I'm now an anxious person all the time.