Quote:
Originally Posted by Waterbear
Thank you so much Kit. I am in awe of your ability not only to find what it was that you needed in that moment, but also to recognise that it wasn't what you needed longer term. It sounds very similar to me, but I am terrified of getting entangled with someone that I know I will only have to walk away from in time. I don't know if I can do that, so maybe it is better that I don't succumb to that desire in the first place.
That said, I think you are right that I do need the space and time to grieve for Ex T. I do need to feel some of those feelings again, too, and I do need to give myself the time and space that feels right here. I'm hoping that Potential New T can help me to see that I am allowed that with her, here, and that she will help me to 'grow out of that' in time, too.
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I feel bad for even saying this because it isn't the same but I did experience an ending with a therapist who meant so much and who I grieved for deeply for a long time. The ending was nowhere near as abrupt as yours as I had a few weeks notice plus some element of choice over whether I continued with her privately (I saw her at an agency) albeit practically it wouldn't have worked due to my limitations. Anyway, I wanted to say that the ending was so painful and I cried most days for weeks. I dreamed about her and it was more than a year before I started to recover from the loss. I actually went to see another T and spent a lot of time crying for my previous T before I could focus on anything else.
The point I really want to make is that it did get easier. I cried a lot and it was agonising and I thought I was going to die from the grief. I found it necessary to get some support from another T to help me through it. I wouldn't set a time line on your grief - if mine can take the best part of a year, yours may take longer. But the intensity of the grief will pass, just let yourself cry and feel all the pain, it does help.
Years on, I have another wonderful T who I deeply love and dread losing. But I still think about my ex T a lot and how much she helped me. She was the first person who helped me believe in myself and supported me through some extremely difficult events and situations. It wasn't perfect but the bond we had was real. I don't feel the emptiness of the loss anymore as I've internalised what she gave me but every so often I do still miss her physical presence.
Hang in there - it will get easier.