Most meditation is focused meditation.. But I hate focusing on my breath because I don't feel the connection or not awake enough.. Probably cuz of antipsychotics. It's the feeling you get from playing a game. I just can't do it anymore.

I noticed that I always feel like I'll run out of thoughts when meditating openly (But more focused on the moment of them, judging more which is very stimulating. It's like chasing growing connections - But being the connections.) - But when I focus on the breath, I'm more aware that it's never ending (But I miss comprehension of each thought and judge less so it's more calming)

"Open monitoring meditation helped to create a state that promotes divergent thinking which helps with the generation of new ideas".

There's not much information about it online.

God idk what I'm saying