RS’s grandfather passed away last night. He had just found out he had stage IV stomach cancer and decided to do one chemo treatment to see how sick it makes him and discontinue if he felt it was too much. Unfortunately it made him so weak he had a heart attack and passed. RS is taking it well; he reasoned that his grandfather was 88 and honestly that’s a pretty long life. I kinda did the same with my grandfather last year. I mean yeah, losing someone is always a sad affair, but my grandpa was also 88 and he had had a stroke so he was suffering. I did tell RS that I definitely will attend whatever services end up being scheduled. Work can take a back seat.

I have off today so I woke up at about 8. I didn’t want to get up but my body was aching and I knew I feel worse physically if I didn’t get up. I wanted to get a bagel for breakfast but it’s one 31 degrees out and I’m sorry but I’m not prepared for that nonsense right now! I’ve got the ball of anxiety in my chest right now and the heaviness of depression hanging over me.

I have things I should do today. Laundry, pantry organizing, etc. I don’t know if I will get them done. I have to try.

At least I speak with my therapist at 12. Maybe she can help me come up with some solutions.