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Serenity · Sep 13, 2003, 10:00 AM

My sweet Mary Alice....I've read your post many.many times...and I'm glad you're "ok"...I found it hard to find the right words to reply...so I've gone back through some of your psots....all the bold writing is/was "your" own words....maybe they say it better than I can? Anyway,...here goes...(and you're not allowed toget mad at me cause you know I love ya lol)

today"..........on one level I do understand why he did it, but it doesn't change the hurt or sense of betrayal. I don't trust him, and as far as telling him everything - NOPE, no more"
previous posts"I agree, my T deserves more.........."
"My T wants nothing from me, same as here. I go there and talk because he just wants to know how I am.........nothing else." 
"I want to go there and tell him to stop me, to change my meds, to DO SOMETHING because he is the only one who can -" 
"But he has always made time for me, either worked me into his schedule or has come in early/stayed late for me"
"Yes, I thought of him as my friend. I trust him and would not talk to anyone else. He has gone above and beyond the definition of his "job" as my T," 
"If I could, I would stay at the hospital Sat. night........if I knew I could leave on Sunday."
"My T told me that he will call me every single day, sometimes twice a day to check on me and remind me that he is there. I don't want him calling, I don't want to know that he is there - it is ONLY him that is there for me in my real life......but if I don't answer the phone.......I have unwelcome visitors"
"My T says that as long as I talk to him, he won't intervene over the weekend."
"My T is the most special person I have ever met.......I just don't understand this man. He is trying so hard not to hospitalize me because he feels that would be like a betrayal to me.....so he came up with a solution/suggestion. Instead of putting me in the hospital, he is going to call me several times a day, esp on Sat. and see how I am, how my mood is, try to help me if necessary, etc. I had to agree to talk to him when he calls,"
"I called his office Thurs. morning before he came in and said "all bets off.....stop calling me, no more". Told him if he wanted to talk to me about the message, fine, let me know - otherwise no calling to check up on me." 
I hate to sound harsh , my sweet Mary Alice...but according to "your own" words...who REALLY broke their word?...hence trust...hence betrayayl...him?....or you???

today"Alex is so upset that he refuses to leave to go on his overnight trip,"
previous"I didn't want to inflict my terror on Alex and we talked about the trip. He wanted to go, the only thing holding him back was "missing Mom""
"Alex has his own bed, but because of someone I won't mention, he is always worried that I won't be there the next morning or that I am going away.He wouldn't go to bed without me home."
Makes me wonder what Alex would have done if we all hadnt made you mad enough and your T hadnt pulled through with the RIGHT(and only one you left him) Choice when he found out Mommy would NEVER be home again????Hmmm

today"It started with everyone's posts to me, and I'm not placing blame or anything, really. They just made me feel bad, feel guilty, and that made me mad."
previous"All of you are very special, caring people - with the gift of being able to show someone love and support. That is something that most don't have - and I am grateful that I found this board and have been so readily accepted and cared about. "
"
Without the love and support of all of you, I would never have made it this far - and for that I am grateful. In my moments of darkest despair and pain, you were all here for me, throwing the ropes I needed to climb out or kicking me in the backside with good advice."
"I just wanted to post this for everyone that has been such good friends with me on this board. I appreciate every single one of you - and care about each of you tremendously. "
Hmmmm...*smile* We love ya too Mary Alice...
Always....Jennifer