We have very quickly reached a near-crisis point. It’s 1:15am and I am not asleep, nor do I feel like I will be anytime soon. I would listen to a sleep story but I can’t stand the thought of listening to voices. I was only listening to instrumental music earlier. That’s a bad sign. Very bad. At least things aren’t too loud yet.

Im going to try to not freak out and just accept that this is where I am right now and it will not last forever. I am not worried about being forced IP because my feet are still firmly on the ground, ie no paranoia or compulsive self injury. I just keep telling myself twenty years is long enough, I don’t want to still be self harming when I’m 54.

I do get to speak with my therapist tomorrow, assuming the program works, and hopefully she’ll help me organize my jumbled thoughts into a cohesive plan of action.