GRATEFUL: I am in the philosophical corner today. I feel grateful to God who has given me so much and been there for me in good an bad days.

I think that we grow and learn even in the bad days. When I was young God gave me a good therapist for analytical therapy. One does the job by looking into oneself , learning about inner mother- and father pictures, gets help with old grief and other hurtful former experiences. One grows as a person by meeting old hurts in a grown up way and to take responsibility for ones own life. My therapist never saw my depression as sickness. Analytical therapists seldom do that. I never saw it that way either. I mean as long as one do not have psychotic features or any other mood disturbances in ones life one is not sick. It is a modern though made up by Psychiatrists that depression is an illness. Life is something one live and relates to or even fights for. That is quite normal. But there can be an inherited component that make it more easy to react in a depressed manner. We just have to learn to live with that vulnerability, take responsibility for our own vulnerabilities and find coping strategies. I think that the learning theories are the best for being prepared and ready for the fight. I love "The Decider" book (from Ayres and Vivian in uk) , not because I don't know how to decide, but because it's topic is to repeat, repeat and repeat again very old truths that always have worked well for humanity. The repetition is helpful and strengthens the bonds between the neurons).

I got a good education (it was hard work) and a good job. I loved my husband and he loved me. Isn't that much to be grateful for? Now our grandchildren do it well as students. I feel that fighting for my life was well worth it. It gives results even in the next generations (hopefully because good therapy gives better ways to cope with our children then our own parents did with us).

When I had passed my middle ages I experienced a trauma so ugly and dirty that is not describable. I became more depressed then ever for a long time. (Good former therapy cannot prevent normal sad feelings and anger related to extreme happenings) .My former therapist was pensioned, but after some years I found another worth waiting for. We used some time to raise me up again. I am not in therapy now. Unfortunately this period with deep depression also brought fire to some physical dieases that were laying there snoozed in my genes. I have learned to live with them one by one.

Life never comes with a guarantee! I think that is the best we can teach the young ones! Especially is this important now in this time with environmental changes. In The United Kingdom they are rolling out a program for children at school to help them to cope with life and own emotions.

I feel that I have found a way to live my now pensioned life. I place a good weight on physical activity , relaxation exercises and social company and am proud to still have some work capacity left.

I would have loved to share these last years with my husband. We always dreamed about growing old and hold hands together. But so is life. It never comes with a guarantee ...

I hope I didn't bore you with these thoughts early in the morning. I just woke up in a philosophical mood. May be some will like to think trough the fact about that we have to live in the here and now. Going to therapy or feeling depressed is not about that one day we will be cured and then life starts. There is no cure for life. We have to live it when we have it.

Enough for today. If it bored you, I, at least felt relieved by writing. I am going to read a bit in the Bible for now. After that I am going to use most of the day on de-cluttering. Tomorrow I will leave early to visit a church. I will meet others and I will use the rest of the day to relax.

May your weekend be good and may those of you who believe in God live well with Him!