I know how you feel. When I was initially diagnosed with schizophrenia and trying to find the right medication, I blew up to over 50 pounds overweight, my skin was acne-scarred, and my appearance disheveled. I was a walking mess. I also was hospitalized for blood clots so was among the walking dead. This was about twenty years ago though. Since then, I am in better shape, and am working, and feeling much better. My point is that time is on your side. Maybe, you might blossom into a swan one day so don't give up so easily. I was disgusting too once but cleaned myself up. I now wear make-up and my skin cleared up. Also, I pay attention to my appearance somewhat now, and it helps with my self-esteem. I highly recommend working on yourself. Also, if you have a severe mental illness, then please find the appropriate medications/ therapy for your disorder. I finally found the medication that works for me after going through the garbage bin of all kinds of medications.