@WindsThatBlow

I’ve been down the “do I really have a mental illness or am I just bringing it on myself?” Road quite a few times, as I’m sure others have as well. I was convinced it was my fault, that I was just thinking negatively and could pull myself out of it if I really wanted to and for some reason I was too weak to do that. I went off my meds quite a few times as well, thinking maybe it’s a “them” problem, not a “me” problem.

What convinced me it wasn’t was when I was off meds for about six months and I was sitting in the ER with my then husband and my brain snapped. I became very paranoid, believing that everyone around me could read my mind and were going to harm me. People’s voices were too loud, I couldn’t concentrate. That convinced me that it WAS a me problem, not meds influencing me or conditioning me to think a certain way.

But I’ve still struggled. Right now, in fact, I’m thinking I’m freaking out for no reason and I can control it somehow. And I’m sure that’s partially true, there must be something I can do that I’m not doing.

But honestly I just remember this quote:

Of course it’s happening inside your head. But why on earth should that me that it is not real?

Albums dumbledore, from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (yeah I’m a nerd )

To me it means that yes, we are sick in our heads sometimes and yes we think that we’re making it up, but just because we’re the only one experiencing it at the time doesn’t mean it’s not real suffering.