I am always afraid to trust my gut because I spend too much time obsessing then I worry that I am making too much of something or imagining stuff that isn't there. I don't think he is cheating physically but part of me asks myself does that matter.

As for how he broke my trust. That is a nightmare. His previous job was on the road and he would be gone two or three nights a week. One night when he was supposed to be in Indiana I had this odd/off feeling. Looking back it makes no sense at all as to why I did. Because up to that point in our relationship I trusted him wholeheartedly and I thought I was living a fairytale life. But I drove by his work and saw his company truck in the lot and his personal vehicle was gone. In that moment my stomach hit the floor. I felt sick for days. And when I saw that I became an instant private investigator. Just not a good enough one. I drove to every hotel in three towns looking for his vehicle. I drove past his best friend's house his exes house. I couldn't find him anywhere. When I called he sounded asleep and I asked where he was. He said Indiana. He didn't pause or anything. He said his normal truck broke down and he was in the spare truck and his car was at the shop where they took his broke down truck. I finally gave up and went home but as the days went by some of it just didn't add up. I finally found out he was at a hotel 30 minutes from my house. And his ex was at the hotel at some point in time. He swears nothing happened. I told him I would never believe that but over the years that is the one part of his story that has never changed. And I have not been able to gain back the trust I had for him since then.