Because you have been hurt and it sounds like he put you through a lot. And maybe you are still processing. I think processing difficult things, trauma, etc, can take time, too. I am sorry your ex husband treated you so poorly. Honestly, to me, he sounds like a loser who treats every woman he meets poorly. He jumps from one woman to another, he's probably scaring them all away. Im glad you ended things. But I'm sorry you've been through Hell bc of him. Maybe write him a letter and don't send it. I know it sounds cliche but it could also help. Be kind to yourself. Hugs.