I searched up an independent journalist that was featured on a comedy podcast, then found a comment about corruption and then searched about who runs the world - And it's what my brother told me about BlackRock, etc.. And the WallStreetBets - The stock market crash etc. I am pleased with what I have done today.

Very alone, want to have some sort of fun. Or a type of meaning or connection. My mom is still at work.. and then she comes home and drinks. Idk what my life is about anymore. I can't help myself or anyone - But I feel in the right place. Like calm before the storm.

There's a lot of things I complain about - And my addictions that held me back. But the trip.. It's different now. I'm very different - And the way I exist and think is interdimensional now.

I can't believe what I went through to get here. People were in this state while I was panicking, defending myself and in so much pain, brainwashed, indoctrinated and neglected, abused - with Stockholm syndrome.

I listen to music, watch shows - Everything. The news, social media - It all feels like my hallucinations or images in my mind - Because there's a lack of energy or connection. It's all controlled. And I'm not psychotic or dissociated - Those states are just types of feelings to me. There's 40+ thousand emotions. I think there's infinite

- Because everything in reality is just a bunch of geometric shapes. A circle would form with a square, then are observed to make something else - Then the divine atoms, quarks, subatomic particles or whatever and such form to make new entities like the rolling of a carpet - Or praying on said carpet - To the direction of East/whatever.. And so.. A direction - Death? Weaving strings, going in and out of water. It goes on forever and ever.

What do I do now and what is next.. It's just like everyone else now. People have their own philosophies and what works, what doesn't. No one is the same. People will continue to be in the state of mind that I was in - And I can do nothing about it.. Because of the circle.

I have a habit of self medicating when I don't need to anymore. And it confuses me when I wake up in the morning and do it right away. It doesn't help - Or does it? I don't think it matters. It's a reflex of fear. There's all basic things that humans, animals, plants.. what life needs - And it's all being sieved away from it all on Earth.

And I Googled "What is greater than evolution?" and then I think back, "Ah yes.. The God overriding evidence, and evidence changing as well.. Will I ever lose the logical ability and what I used to be? Will my insight ever be gone? Because it never was.. It's left transforming into right brain. I want 2 keep both.."