To be honest, just an expression of compassion is enough for me.

I needed to vent about this and feel better. My family is what it is. My dad doesn't have emotions and doesn't have empathy, never has. I believe he is either autistic or he has a personality disorder. I don't really hold it against him. I just get exasperated at times. He lacks social skills and doesn't understand simple human connections, conversations, or even how to listen. He has compulsions to speak all his thoughts out loud and constantly make noise. I understand it's not his fault, but it gets exhausting for me. If I tell him I need quiet or silence, he can only do it for a minute or so, he can't handle or control himself and must either talk nonstop or make noise. And I am someone who needs a lot of peace and quiet. As you can imagine, living together is challenging. I love my dad though.

But do I lose my patience? I do.

My mom is very self focused. She was abused but she can't seem to get beyond it. She married someone incapable of loving her the way she needed and she doesn't love herself. She's consistently depressed, bitter, resentful and miserable. And while I understand this is more because of what goes on within her, she was never able to show love or be present as a mother in the way I needed her to be, because she was too consumed with her own internal problems and not getting what she wanted. She wonders why people don't like her or want to be around her, she is often so negative, chronically complains, puts people down, judges and is just...she has been downright mean to me and heartless. I am sad for her because she didn't make the choice she needs to heal, but why must I pay for the rest of my life? She abused me and she knows it.

Now I have to spend the rest of my life healing. But I will. I am a survivor and I am happy I was able to survive that disease.