I was thinking about this tonight. So. There are studies linking bipolar disorder to higher levels of creativity within individuals. And I sat here and thought about it. I suffer a lot from this disorder at times. It can be a lot to handle, it's the reason I am disabled. But if it were miraculously to be taken away, would I lose the part of me that is an artist, poet, and writer? Are there not aspects of this disorder that are actually positive and rather remarkable? If I had never been depressed, I may never have spent time writing or drawing. If I had never been manic, I wouldn't have explored things like being transgender, changing my style or wardrobe, doing wild things with my hair, having adventures...watching all those Marvel movies...setting goals, and following through with them. How much of my life would be entirely different? Because it would take away the suffering, but it would also take away all the good. I've been to 29 states and some of it was because of my impulsivity and desire to simply experience.

I've come to reflect on bipolar being like the sun and moon, day and night, sunrise and sunset. It is a balance. The earth functions in cycles too. The moon has cycles. What if I am closer to the earth in my spirituality because I understand the meaning of cycles? I have been in a mindset in the past that my mental illness is only suffering and only a negative part of my existence. I am beginning to have a different perspective. If this is a part of me, I don't want to spend my life hating it. Can't there also be meaning and beauty within bipolar illness? I think so.

Well, that's it. That's where I am tonight. Deep philosophical thinking.